Why women need space to talk right now

These Show Notes are a ChatGPT summary of the episode transcript (with brief additional editing)

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**TRIGGER WARNING**

This episode contains discussions about domestic violence and community violence towards women, which may be distressing for some listeners. Consider whether this episode is right for you at this point in time, and if you do find this content disturbing or it brings up any issues for you, please reach out to 1800 RESPECT

In episode 71 of their podcast, Kim and Rog tackle the urgent and sensitive topic of why women need space to talk about their experiences right now, especially in light of recent domestic and community violence against women. This episode delves into the widespread issue of violence against women, its profound impact on their sense of safety and well-being, and the ways in which partners can offer support.

Kim introduces the episode by sharing her recent experiences of hyper-vigilance, a heightened state of alertness. She explains that her discussions with Rog about her feelings have been incredibly helpful, and they decided to bring this conversation to the podcast to benefit other relationships. She emphasizes that relationships can be a vital safe space for women, especially during times of widespread community and domestic violence and uncertainty.

Rog expresses his gratitude for being able to have this conversation, acknowledging the importance of creating a safe space for his partner. He admits that fully understanding women’s experiences can be challenging but stresses the importance of empathy and emotional support. He shares his commitment to learning more and being there for Kim.

Kim then delves into the psychological impact of witnessing public tragedies, particularly those involving violence against women. She explains that even if individuals are not directly involved, these events can cause widespread feelings of sadness, loss of safety, and mistrust in authorities. For many women, these events can also trigger past traumas, leading to a pervasive sense of fear and hyper-vigilance.

Rog highlights the empathy that women often feel more deeply, drawing parallels with recent empath Penny Moodie and her partner Hugh van Cuylenburg, who both discussed the impact of traumatic events when seen on TV by Penny. Rog acknowledges that while he tends to shut out distressing news, Kim absorbs it and feels its impact more profoundly. Kim shares how recent violent incidents, such as

the attack in Bondi Junction, have deeply affected her, causing intrusive thoughts and a loss of sense of safety.

The conversation shifts to the broader societal issues, with Kim expressing frustration at the reluctance to label gendered violence as such. She emphasizes the need for recognizing these issues as gendered to protect the more vulnerable gender and to enact appropriate laws and measures. Rog supports this point, sharing his upbringing, where he was taught to protect and respect women, and he expresses his belief that men should strive to be better and more supportive.

Kim continues by discussing the importance of men recognizing their privilege and using it to support and protect women. She shares a personal experience of feeling unsafe during a walk, highlighting how pervasive the sense of danger can be for women. Rog reflects on his own sense of safety and how different it is from Kim’s experience, acknowledging the unfairness of the situation.

Kim explains why it can be beneficial for women to talk about their feelings, even though not everyone may want to. She notes that discussing these issues can help women feel more empowered and understood, and can provide a sense of relief from carrying the burden alone. She shares how talking to Rog has helped her feel seen and supported, reminding her that there are safe men who can hold space for these difficult emotions.

To help men create a safe space for their partners, Kim offers practical advice:

1. Acknowledge what’s happening and ask if they want to discuss it.
2. Respect their wishes and do not demand conversation.
3. Listen and acknowledge their feelings without trying to solve the problem.
4. Ask how you can support them and be willing to provide ongoing support.

Rog concludes by thanking Kim for her vulnerability and insights, recognizing the importance of these conversations in building intimacy and safety in relationships.