What are you saying no to so you can say yes to your relationship?

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In episode 73 of their podcast, Kim and Rog explore the simple yet powerful question: “What are you saying no to so you can say yes to your relationship?” They dive into how opting out of societal, social, and familial expectations can create more space for personal fulfillment and deeper connection with one’s partner.

Rog elaborates on the concept, explaining that saying no isn’t about rejecting opportunities but about making room for the right ones. He emphasizes the importance of aligning actions with values and taking control of life to make decisions that enhance well-being. The idea is to avoid being overwhelmed, optimize output, and ensure purposeful engagement in activities that truly matter.

Kim agrees, noting that many people, especially those in long-term relationships, struggle with finding time to work on their relationship amidst busy schedules. She asserts that saying no to less important activities is crucial for creating space for meaningful relationship work. By being deliberate in their decisions, couples can focus on high-quality outcomes and greater life satisfaction.
They delve into the power of saying no, discussing how it helps in prioritizing important activities, avoiding burnout, and fostering autonomy. Kim highlights that owning one’s nos requires assertiveness and helps build boundaries, which is essential for mental clarity and overall well-being.

Rog shares the practical side of decision-making, drawing on the example of Steve Jobs, who simplified his wardrobe to reduce decision fatigue. By being decisive about what to say no to, individuals can clear mental clutter and gain more clarity, enabling them to focus on what truly matters.

Kim and Rog then share three specific things they’ve chosen to say no to for the next six months to prioritize their relationship:

Finally, Kim and Rog discuss how they keep fun alive in their relationship. Kim shares their New Year’s Eve tradition of enjoying wagyu steak and good wine at home, a pivot they made due to their daughter’s needs. This tradition has become a cherished part of their relationship, symbolizing their ability to adapt and find joy in the little things.

Rog highlights their love for outdoor activities, whether it’s walking, kayaking, tennis, or bush hiking. He notes that these activities keep them bonded and bring numerous benefits, including physical health and mental well-being. Their shared love for the outdoors has been a constant source of fun and connection throughout their relationship.

1. No to Working on Saturdays: They realised that using Saturdays for business and life admin was taking away their quality time together. By designating Saturdays as a work-free day, they can enjoy activities that relax and reconnect them.
2. No to Individual Exercise Sessions Once Every Two Weeks: They decided to replace one individual exercise session with a joint walk or run. This not only benefits their health but also provides a bonding experience and a chance to talk and connect.
3. No to Taking on Extra Projects: Kim, known for her creative ideas, often finds herself initiating new projects. However, they’ve decided to put a hold on new ventures to focus on spending more downtime together, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing their relationship over additional commitments.
Kim and Rog also offer ideas for listeners on what they could say no to in order to prioritize their relationships:
• No to Relaxing in Front of Screens: Instead of spending time on Netflix or phones, couples can engage in activities like board games or having meaningful conversations before bed.
• No to Group Holidays: Instead of group trips with friends, couples can use that time and money for a romantic getaway or a weekend together.
• No to Friday Night Drinks: Foregoing after-work drinks to spend quality time with their spouse, perhaps by planning a date night.

They emphasize that saying no to less important commitments allows couples to focus on their relationship, which should be a priority as it forms the foundation of their home and life. By being intentional with their yeses and nos, couples can create a more fulfilling and balanced life together.