The Soul Mate Debate – Is ‘The One’ Real?

These Show Notes are a ChatGPT summary of the episode transcript (with brief additional editing)

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In this weeks episode Kim and Rog, delve into the intriguing concept of soulmates. Not wanting to get too bogged down in the strict definition of what a soulmate really is, the couple focus on the day-to-day realities of relationships and how the concept may be applied today

The conversation kicks off with an examination of where the idea of soulmates originated. Tracing it back to ancient Greek lore and how the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge coined the term “soulmate” in a love letter he wrote back in 1822. However, the crux of the podcast lies in the debate itself. Rog confesses he’s not a thorough believer in the notion of soulmates, although he does consider Kim his own. This triggers a deeper discussion on the clarity and practicality surrounding the idea of ‘The One’.

An interesting dimension added by the hosts is the role of safety within relationships. Kim and Roger reflect on various testimonials from couples, revealing that many perceive their soulmate as an anchor of safety, someone with whom they feel an immediate sanctuary of trust and protection. This sentiment, according to Kim and Roger, stands in alignment with attachment theory, suggesting that one’s soulmate is recognized through the lens of emotional security and enduring companionship, rather than simply romantic destiny. They explore how this sense of safety is deeply entwined with emotional regulation and the ways it forms a sturdy foundation for long-lasting, secure attachments.

The notion that soulmates is then dissected by Rog, linking the fact that humans from an evolutionary point of view are meant to only have one partner i.e. be monogamous. Rog then asks the question as to whether a soulmate then is a lifelong guarantee. He cites studies on the contrasting behaviours of ‘prairie’ and ‘meadow’ voles (let’s just call them wild hamsters). The ‘prairie’ vole, the monogamous species, only mates with one partner while the ‘meadow’ vole, the promiscuous one, flits from one partner to another. This fascinating research shows that the ‘prairie’ voles have high levels of vasopressin and oxytocin – bonding chemicals also found in humans. Drawing from this, Rog believes like the ‘prairie’ vole, human couples need to work persistently on building trust and emotional connection for successful monogamous relationship.

So, the verdict? Well, maybe yes, we may have a soulmate, but keeping that relationship thriving isn’t a one-time task. It demands continuous effort and commitment.

In the final thoughts, Kim firmly believes that if a soulmate does exist it is someone with whom you can share your true self and make you feel secure. She underlines the essential role of safety as a relationship’s cornerstone. Aligning with her sentiments, Rog reiterates the necessity of sustained effort and promise-keeping to maintain a soulmate-like relationship.

Closing off the episode, they advocate for openness to varied ideas and perspectives, hinting that understanding others might stimulate empathy and relationship growth.