Love is a Doing Word

These Show Notes are a ChatGPT summary of the episode transcript (with brief additional editing)

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In this podcast episode, Kim and Rog dive into the fundamental concept that “love is a doing word.” The central theme of their discussion revolves around the idea that love requires continuous, deliberate actions to flourish. They highlight the significance of actively working together as a team to maintain a strong and fulfilling relationship.

As the conversation unfolds, Roger fondly recalls a line from the 90s song “Teardrop” by Massive Attack: “Love is a verb. Love is a doing word.” This powerful phrase serves as the cornerstone of the discussion, emphasizing that love is not merely an emotion or a concept but an action that demands ongoing effort.

Relationships Aren’t Set and Forget

In the early stages of a relationship, the excitement and passion often drive us to express love more actively. However, over time, complacency can seep in, leading to a potential disconnect between partners. Kim and Roger stress that, like any valuable aspect of life, relationships require continuous nurturing and dedication to thrive.

Drawing intriguing parallels, Roger likens caring for relationships to routine life activities like brushing teeth or trimming hair. The hosts highlight that while we automatically tend to our hygenic needs, relationships are often neglected because they aren’t always perceived as requiring active care. Kim delves into the complexities of communication within relationships, particularly when addressing issues. They encourage partners to focus on the actions they can take to nurture their love.

Furthermore, Rog underscores the fact that the lack of formal education on maintaining relationships results in many couples being ill-prepared. This is evident in the high divorce rate and the number of couples feeling unappreciated or stuck.

Putting the Individual First

Kim adds another layer to the discussion by shedding light on the potentially harmful societal norms surrounding relationships. She points out that the emphasis on individualism, often lauded in society, might be detrimental to the health and longevity of romantic partnerships. Research even indicates that some of these norms can hinder relationship growth.

Rog also laments the pitfalls of overly focusing on individualism within the confines of a committed relationship. Such a mindset, he argues, can foster an adversarial environment where partners prioritize personal needs over collective ones, thereby causing unnecessary friction and draining energy that could otherwise be invested in nurturing the bond.

Three Tips for a Thriving Relationship

Bank Your Love Interactions: The hosts introduce the concept of “banking” love interactions, where partners aim to have five positive interactions for every negative one. These interactions can be simple acts of affection and consideration, which build emotional reserves to buffer the relationship during challenging times.

Plan and Schedule Your Relationship: Treating the relationship as its own entity, couples should plan and schedule quality time together. This approach ensures that the relationship receives the attention it deserves, even amidst busy schedules and external pressures.

Get Curious and Embrace Change: Partners are encouraged to remain curious about each other’s evolving needs. People change over time, and adapting to these changes strengthens the connection and fosters long-lasting love.

Throughout the podcast, the hosts emphasize the powerful truth that “love is a doing word.” Love requires consistent action to survive and thrive. By following the three tips provided by Kim and Roger—banking love interactions, planning and scheduling quality time, and embracing change—couples can create a loving environment, weather life’s challenges together, and build a lasting, fulfilling bond.