Is your relationship stuck?
This episode discusses the concept of feeling stuck in a relationship, including signs that indicate a relationship is on autopilot. It goes on to outline helpful strategies to support you to start getting unstuck in your relationship.
Kim & Rog also share their personal experiences and discuss how breaking out of difficult patterns takes effort, deliberate action, and patience.
These Show Notes are a ChatGPT summary of the episode transcript (with brief additional editing)
Episode 1: Is your relationship stuck?
Hosts, Kim and Rog, discuss that divorce rates have recently increased and suggest that COVID-19 has been a likely factor as people have been forced to spend more concentrated time together. Doing this, people have reflected on their relationships – noticing areas that they may have been too busy or distracted to have previously.
Kim suggests that feeling stuck in a relationship is a crucial issue to address proactively, to help reduce the risk of the relationship reaching a crisis point like divorce.
Kim & Rog indicate that it can be difficult to recognise when you are feeling stuck in a relationship and that being aware of the signs is the first step in addressing the issue.
Signs of a relationship being stuck include:
• Sensation of being stuck on a loop, like your relationship is on Groundhog Day
• Living siloed lives
• Experiencing a lower sense of contentment and enjoyment in the relationship
Feelings that can show up when your relationship is stuck:
• A sense of being invisible
• Frustration
• Confusion & disillusionment
• Detachment
How it felt for us when we were stuck
Kim and Rog discuss the challenges they faced in their relationship in their twenties.
They talk about the tendency to live siloed lives and focus on individual goals and dreams, which led to a loss of excitement and a sense of detachment from each other. They also discuss the frustration with their partner and a general sense of misunderstanding, which made them wonder why their partner made certain decisions.
They suggest that it is important to recognise that these patterns are not done in malice and that it takes effort to break out of them. They also emphasise the need for deliberate efforts to bring excitement into the relationship, even when it is not naturally there. Finally, they suggest the importance of open communication, talking about what matters to each other, and finding ways to get on the same page.
Tools to support couples feeling stuck to make a shift
Kim & Rog make the following suggestions for ways to begin getting unstuck in a relationship:
1. Journaling – as a tool to help process thoughts and begin moving from a stuck state to an unstuck one. They acknowledge that new concepts and awareness can be overwhelming, and suggest allowing time and space to process them.
2. Conversations – with your partner about your thoughts and feelings. They emphasise that the conversations need to be done gently and that the partner needs to be brought along on the journey.
3. Small steps – making incremental change to help break the cycle with compassion and minimise the likelihood of significant friction.
The speakers reflect on their own experience with journaling and conversations, and how they have evolved over time.
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