How to Reduce Stress at Home

Apple | Spotify

In episode 77, Kim and Rog address the pervasive issue of stress and its impact on relationships. The episode aims to explore how external pressures impact relationships and offers practical strategies to manage stress and use relationships as safe harbors during turbulent times.

Understanding Stress

Rog explains that stress can come in various forms, including both good stress and bad stress. He revisits the concept of the stress cup, a metaphor they previously introduced to illustrate how little stresses accumulate throughout the day until the cup overflows. This overflow affects personal relationships, making it essential to manage stress effectively.

Kim adds that stress is a natural response to pressure, rooted in the evolutionary fight-flight-freeze response. When faced with stress, the body releases hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which prepare it for action. However, in modern life, these stressors are often non-life-threatening, yet the body’s response remains the same. Prolonged exposure to these stress hormones can be damaging, affecting concentration, memory, mood, and overall health.

Impact of Stress on the Body

Kim and Rog discuss the various ways stress impacts the body and mind, including:

• Decreased ability to concentrate and memory issues.
• Increased negative thoughts and anxiety.
• Irritability and restlessness.
• Risk of depression and digestive issues.
• Unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as overeating or substance misuse.
• Reduced motivation for self-care activities like exercise.

Rog emphasizes that these effects are undesirable and can spiral, making it harder to perform self-care activities that alleviate stress. The episode explores how stress seeps into relationships, causing partners to become irritable and depleted of cognitive resources, which leads to increased conflict and less capacity for repair.

The relationship as a Safe Harbour

Kim and Rog emphasize that a strong relationship can serve as a safe harbor, providing comfort and refuge from life’s stresses. They a liken a safe harbour to Stan Tatkin’s ‘couple bubble’, where partners create a protective and supportive environment for each other. The hosts then provide several strategies on how partners can create a safe harbour for each other in times of stress:

Identify Stress:

Be attuned to your partner’s stress levels and notice if they are withdrawing or displaying signs of stress.

Don’t Take It Personally:
Understand that your partner’s stress is not your fault and be there to support them.

Open Communication:
Share your stresses with your partner and invite them to share theirs. Practicing active listening and giving your partner full attention is crucial.

Turn Towards Each Other:
Make a conscious effort to turn towards each other in times of stress. Couples who turn towards each other build stronger, more resilient relationships.

Offer Emotional Support:
Validate your partner’s feelings and experiences. Offer affection and reassurance to show that they are not alone.

Spend Quality Time Together:
Establish rituals of connection and engage in shared activities. Plan problem-solving sessions and fun activities to boost positive emotions.

Prioritize Health and Self-Care Together:
Engage in self-care activities as a couple. Whether it’s exercising together, planning a couple’s massage, or simply spending time outdoors, these activities can help reduce stress.