How to Recognise and Overcome Feeling Disconnected in Your Relationship

These Show Notes are a ChatGPT summary of the episode transcript (with brief additional editing)

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In the 63rd episode, hosts Kim and Rog delve deeply into the issue of disconnect in relationships, offering practical solutions to reignite connection and understanding.

The episode kicks off with Kim and Rog drawing from their own experiences seasons of feeling disconnected during their long-term relationship. They worked through this together and found a deeper connection and want to share with others couples in the same situation that there is a way forward. A strong connection, they posit, is rooted in four fundamental elements—curiosity, playfulness, generosity, and the ability to continually derive pleasure from one another’s company. If people feel they lack one or more of these elements in their relationship they may feel disconnected from their partner.

Sign 1 – Less Curiosity

The discourse commences with an exploration of the first sign of disconnect—diminishing curiosity. Kim and Rog believe that curiosity is an indication of a desire to deeply comprehend one’s partner. As noted by the hosts, curiosity is a crucial bridge to fostering emotional intimacy and relationship satisfaction. When there is no curiosity, often a partner will feel they are unseen or uninteresting to their partner. They propose proactive steps such as frequent check-ins, using leading questions, and staying updated about each other’s lives as means to rejuvenate curiosity and emotional intimacy.

Sign 2 – Less Playfulness

The decrease in shared laughter and playfulness marks the second sign. The hosts underline the value of these elements as barometers of comfort and connection between partners. Kim and Rog themselves identify playfulness as a cornerstone of their relationship. Rog points out that laughter can be an important reliever of stress, however there is a catch-22 as playfulness and laughter will often wane whens couples are experience greater stress in the first place. To counteract a deficit of playfulness, they recommend pursuing novel activities, planning sprightly dates, and carving out substantial quality time together.

Sign 3 – Less Generosity

Generosity, or a lack thereof, forms the third sign of disconnect. The hosts illustrate how generosity transcends mere materialistic exchanges and involves a spirit of kindness and acts of service – factors that have been tied to marital stability and satisfaction. The linchpin, they propose, is to adopt a ‘team’ approach, expressing

gratitude, and practicing unsolicited acts of service ‘just because’, thereby fostering a recurrent cycle of love and support.

Sign 4 – Less Pleasure

Finally, Kim and Rog shed light on the fourth sign—diminished pleasure derived from the partner’s company. They underscore that this extends beyond physical intimacy and encompasses the overall joy of shared activities. Suggestions for overcoming this include exploring new interests, planning unique experiences, and devoting ample quality time to each other.

In conclusion, the hosts of the podcast relay a powerful message: recognizing these signs of disconnect and taking intentional actions to remedy them can help couples conquer feelings of disconnect and reinforce their relationship.