How Kids Change Your Relationship Part 1

These Show Notes are a ChatGPT summary of the episode transcript (with brief additional editing)

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In this episode, Kim and Rog share own journey through parenthood, and the very real impact of having children on relationships. They explore the significant shift that parenthood brings, not shying away from the fact that this life-changing event often gives rise to new struggles, and potential friction between partners. A sense of isolation can envelop new parents, making them feel alone and misunderstood in their experiences. The duo refer to a study that shows a whopping 67% of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction in the first three years after the birth of their first child. It’s a stark reminder that grappling with the challenges of new parenthood is a shared experience.

Kim broaches the often overlooked topic of mental health following childbirth. She brings to light the prevalence of postnatal depression, affecting one in five women and one in ten men, and how the constant focus on the baby often overshadows the mental well-being of the parents. This, in turn, can lead to unresolved issues and unchecked stress. Together, Kim and Rog challenge societal expectations of parenthood, pointing out how these expectations can fuel feelings of pressure and inadequacy.

Rog, in turn, discusses the common pressures on fathers who often grapple with the need to provide and protect their family, leading to stress and potentially fostering unhealthy coping mechanisms. They both emphasize the importance of mental health check-ins and open communication to maintain a healthy relationship during the challenging phase of new parenthood.

Kim and Rog then delve into the gritty realities of sleep deprivation and identity shifts that come along with having children. Kim debunks the idea that children reaching certain milestones equals an easier life, emphasizing that each child and situation is unique. They both call out societal norms that impose unrealistic expectations on parents.

Rog delves into the subject of sleep deprivation, sharing research findings that parents may lose up to three hours of sleep per night in the first year of their child’s life. Kim adds a personal touch to this topic, sharing their own experiences with their daughter, whose heart condition disrupted her feeding and sleep patterns. Rog draws attention to the effects of sleep deprivation on mental and emotional well-being, and the ripple effect it can have on partner interactions and the ability to care for their child.

They also touch upon how societal gender norms can amplify stress and sleep deprivation, with men feeling the pressure to continue working and women expected to juggle childcare and housework despite their exhaustion. Kim further discusses the postnatal hormonal changes in women, critiquing the lack of education and support around these changes. Rog echoes her sentiments and calls for more empathy towards women dealing with these hormonal fluctuations.

As their conversation evolves, Kim and Rog delve into deeper aspects of identity transformation after becoming parents. Kim discusses how many women experience a loss of mastery as they transition from confident professionals to uncertain new mothers. This shift, she explains, can lead to a decrease in self-esteem and confidence.

Rog, on the other hand, highlights how having children can disrupt career momentum. This can be a major challenge, particularly for those who closely tie their identity to their work, leading to feelings of self-doubt and a sense of being left behind professionally.

They both note that new parenthood often leads to a reduction in social activities, which can result in feelings of isolation and contribute to mental health issues. Kim discusses the significant physical changes women undergo during and after pregnancy, explaining how these changes can lead to a disconnection from their bodies and contribute to a sense of identity loss. Rog acknowledges that while men don’t experience the same physical changes, the stress of new parenthood can still affect their bodies and self-perception.