Don’t have time to connect with your partner? We show you how with this one simple rule

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In this episode, Kim and Rog get real about how hard it is to find time to connect—and they offer a practical, research-backed framework that helps busy couples reconnect in just five simple touchpoints a week.

Spoiler: It doesn’t mean carving out hours you don’t have. It’s about being intentional with the time you already do.

Kim shares a conversation she had over the holidays with a friend who felt stuck in a no-time-to-connect loop. She and her partner were doing everything right—working hard, raising kids, being present parents—but by the time the kids were in bed, there was nothing left in the tank. Rog adds that this isn’t a one-off story; it’s what so many couples are experiencing.

And when connection starts to feel like a luxury, everything shifts. Instead of feeling like partners, you start to feel more like co-managers. Life becomes functional, not fulfilling. You stop learning new things about each other. You stop being a team.

Kim compares this to a well-organized cupboard: When life gets stressful, and you need to grab something in a rush, that organized cupboard is a lifesaver. But if the cupboard is chaos? That stress gets amplified. Your relationship is the same. If you’ve built connection habits, the relationship supports you. If you haven’t, you feel the cracks when life gets hard.

Connection Needs to Be a Habit

Your relationship is an ecosystem. When you care for it regularly, it takes care of you. And the best way to do that? Make connection a habit.

So how much time do happy couples spend connecting? Research from the Gottman Institute says the magic number is five hours a week.

Seem impossible? Don’t panic. Kim and Rog break it down into five realistic touchpoints you can slot into your day without needing extra hours.

The 5 Touchpoints of Connection

1. The 2-Minute Wake-Up Moment

Start your day together—literally. Just two minutes of eye contact, a cuddle, or asking “How did you sleep? ” sets the tone. It’s not about solving anything. It’s just about starting the day as a team.

2. The 5-Minute Morning Check-In

Over coffee or while packing lunches, take five minutes to talk logistics and feelings. Ask each other:

• What’s on your plate today?
• Anything you’re not looking forward to?
• How can I help?

If mornings are messy, Rog suggests a quick voice note or a couple of texts. Connection doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to happen.

3. The 10-Minute Reunion Reset

When you come back together after the day, shift from “me mode” to “we mode.”
It might not be a Hollywood-style hug at the door—but maybe it’s making a cup of tea or pouring a wine together while dinner’s being made. Just be in the same space, side by side, for 10 minutes.

4. The 10-Minute Pre-Bed Wind-Down

Phones down, lights low. Share something from your day. Ask:

• What’s one thing that surprised you today?
• What’s something I did this week that made you feel loved?

No to-do lists or problem-solving. Just closeness.

5. The 2-Hour Deep Connection (Per Week)

This is your weekly deep-dive. The Gottmans found that this kind of planned quality time builds emotional trust and reignites attraction.
It doesn’t have to be dinner and a movie (though it can be). Kim and Rog give options:

• One 2-hour date
• Two 1-hour blocks (like a walk or board game)
• Four 30-minute mini dates (coffee run, playlist swap, card game)
• At-home wine + candlelight “date night” while the kids watch a movie

Mix it up. The point is to reconnect on a deeper level, not just manage logistics.

Habit Stack It

You’re already waking up, going to bed, making tea, packing lunches. Just layer connection into what’s already happening. It’s called habit stacking, and it works. The more you do it, the more automatic it becomes.

Rog and Kim are clear: this isn’t about perfection or pressure. It’s about repetition. Small things often. Over and over again. And the bonus? Once connection becomes your norm, your relationship starts to feel lighter, safer, and more fulfilling—because now it’s built to support you both when life gets loud.