Do you have your partners back?

Apple | Spotify

In this weeks episode, Kim and Rog delve into the topic of having your partner’s back, exploring how this foundational aspect of a relationship fosters security, trust, and mutual support. Knowing your partner has your back is not just a nice-to-have; it’s crucial for navigating life’s ups and downs together. The episode focuses on practical ways couples can demonstrate unwavering support for each other, turning their relationship into a true safe harbor where both partners feel secure and empowered.

The Importance of Mutual Support

Rog kicks off the discussion by explaining that having your partner’s back is deeply rooted in trust, security, and mutual support. He cites research by Dr. Robert Levenson of Berkeley University, which shows that couples who maintain high levels of mutual support and appreciation over time have significantly lower divorce rates and report higher levels of happiness and fulfillment. This mutual support creates a sense of security, which is crucial for the longevity of a relationship.

Kim and Rog draw on attachment theory to further explain the importance of having each other’s back. A secure attachment in adult relationships provides a stable base, enabling individuals to explore the world with confidence, knowing they have a safe place to return to. This security reduces stress and anxiety, fostering emotional safety, which is essential for a healthy relationship.

Kim reflects on their own relationship journey, contrasting their first ten years together with the past decade. She explains that in the early years, they were less confident in pursuing their goals because they lacked a strong sense of security in their relationship. However, as they developed a secure attachment and fully committed to having each other’s back, they found themselves achieving more and taking greater risks. This shift allowed them to pursue dreams and goals that would not have been possible without the confidence that comes from knowing they have a supportive partner.

Creating a Safe Harbor

Kim and Rog introduce the concept of a relationship as a “safe harbor,” a place where partners can retreat when the outside world becomes overwhelming. Kim cites Dr. Sue Johnson who notes that when partners know they have a safe place to return to, they are more willing to take risks and pursue their goals with confidence. Kim explains that this safe harbor is not just about comfort and nurturing; it’s also about empowerment, allowing each partner to venture out into the world with the knowledge that they have a loving and supportive environment to come home to.

Rog adds that when partners have each other’s back, they free up mental and emotional energy to focus on other areas of life. This security acts as an anchor, providing the stability needed to tackle life’s challenges with more focus and energy. Kim and Rog agree that knowing your partner has your back reduces stress and enables you to be your best self.

Practical Ways to Show Your Partner You Have Their Back

Kim and Rog offer practical tips on how to show your partner that you have their back, breaking down the concept into actionable steps:

1. Private Appreciation:
Show your appreciation for your partner in private by recognizing and valuing the small things they do that often go unnoticed. This reinforces the emotional bond and respect you have for each other, making your partner feel seen and valued.

2. Public Displays of Love:
Show your love for your partner in public by openly acknowledging their achievements and expressing your pride in them. Public appreciation can boost your partner’s self-esteem and strengthen the relationship, both publicly and privately. Kim emphasizes the importance of being “relationship proud” and not shying away from showing your love and admiration for your partner in front of others.

3. Celebrate Their Successes:
Celebrate your partner’s successes to show that you are genuinely invested in their happiness and growth. Sharing in their joy and making them feel valued as an individual can enhance positive emotions and create a shared experience that strengthens the relationship.

4. Support Them When They Make Mistakes:
Support your partner unconditionally, even when they make mistakes. This demonstrates your commitment to the team and reinforces the idea that the relationship is a safe space for growth and learning. Kim explains that this kind of support is about separating the person from their behaviour and offering help even when it’s challenging, which can deepen trust and intimacy.

Final Reflections

In their closing reflections, Kim and Rog emphasize that having each other’s back is not just about the big moments; it’s about the consistent, everyday actions that build trust and security in the relationship. Kim’s gold nugget is the importance of being intentional in showing support, whether through private appreciation, public displays of love, or celebrating successes. Rog’s takeaway is the concept of being “in this together,” emphasizing that a relationship is strongest when both partners are committed to supporting each other through thick and thin.