Behind the Scenes of our Relationship Health Check

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In the latest episode of the podcast, Kim and Rog take listeners behind the scenes of their own relationship health check, providing an intimate look at how they evaluate and strengthen their bond. Kim begins by acknowledging that the idea of a relationship health check might seem daunting, but she quickly reassures listeners that while it may be intimidating at first, it is a powerful tool for ensuring both partners are on the same page. The episode offers a real-time demonstration of how couples can conduct these check-ins to foster deeper understanding and connection.

The Concept of a Relationship Health Check:

Kim explains that a relationship health check is not something that needs to be done weekly but rather every couple of months. It involves asking deeper, more probing questions than those typically covered in day-to-day conversations. The purpose is to uncover issues that may be simmering below the surface—issues that might not be apparent in regular check-ins. Kim emphasizes that even when couples think they know where they stand with each other, these broader, more focused conversations can reveal unspoken thoughts and feelings that might otherwise go unnoticed.

Rog adds that the questions they use during these health checks are not the standard ones most couples ask each other. Instead, they are designed to prompt deeper reflection on the state of the relationship. He notes that while everyday conversations often revolve around external factors—such as work or the kids—these health check questions focus on the relationship itself, aiming to assess how the partnership is really doing.

Five Key Questions:

Kim and Rog proceed to model the relationship health check by asking each other five key questions. They emphasize that these questions are unscripted, offering a genuine glimpse into their relationship dynamics.

1. Balance Between Togetherness and Individuality:

Kim asks Rog whether he feels they are maintaining a balance between togetherness and individuality. Rog reflects on their recent experiences, acknowledging that while they are currently more focused on togetherness due to family circumstances, he feels supported in his individual pursuits. However, he admits that he sometimes feels his individual outlets are limited by their current situation, but he is hopeful that this balance will improve over time. Kim echoes Rog’s sentiments, noting that while they currently lean more towards togetherness, they both recognize the need to work towards a better balance in the future.

2. Handling External Stresses:

Rog asks Kim how they are handling external stresses in their lives. Kim believes they are managing well, attributing their success to open communication, dedicated time for discussions, and prioritizing exercise. She explains that these practices have been crucial in navigating the challenges they face, particularly as carers. Rog agrees, noting that they have been proactive in managing stress, including incorporating regular exercise together, which helps alleviate tension and fosters better communication.

3. Feeling Secure and Valued:

Kim asks Rog how she can help him feel more secure and valued in their relationship. Rog responds that he would appreciate more physical affection, such as compliments on his physique. Kim acknowledges this and agrees to make a more conscious effort to show her appreciation. When the question is turned on her, Kim expresses that while she feels secure, she would like more acknowledgment of her contributions to the family, as it helps her feel valued. Rog commits to being more deliberate in expressing his appreciation.

4. Practicing Vulnerability:

Rog asks Kim whether they are practicing vulnerability with each other. Kim believes they are, but she also sees room for improvement, particularly in being more open about their deeper concerns. Rog agrees, noting that while they do practice vulnerability, there are times when he holds back to avoid overburdening Kim, especially given her empathetic nature. They both recognize the importance of balancing vulnerability with the need to support each other effectively.

5. Feeling Loved and Appreciated:

Kim asks Rog what she can do to make him feel more loved and appreciated in the coming week. Rog simply asks for more hugs and kisses, which he feels they sometimes overlook in their busy lives. Kim happily agrees to prioritize this. When asked the same question, Kim requests a foot massage, something Rog used to do regularly but has become less frequent. Rog commits to making time for this gesture, recognizing how much it means to Kim.