Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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In episode 83 of the podcast, Kim and Rog explore the notion that actions speak louder than words, particularly in the context of relationships. The couple highlight that while it’s easy to make promises, the true strength of a relationship is demonstrated through consistent follow-through. Actions are the bedrock of trust, commitment, and the sense of security that words alone cannot provide.

Why Actions Matter in Relationships:

Rog delves into the core reasons why actions are fundamental to a strong and secure relationship. He outlines three key components that actions help build: consistency, follow-through, and transparency. These elements are crucial in establishing and maintaining trust.

• Consistent actions make a partner’s behaviour predictable, which is reassuring and fosters a secure environment.
• Follow-through, where partners do what they say they will do, demonstrates integrity and reliability.
• Transparency ensures that actions are honest and open, which is vital for building a foundation of trust.

Kim shares her perspective, explaining that consistent actions in their relationship have significantly reduced stress. She notes that knowing Rog will follow through on his commitments means she doesn’t have to worry about unmet expectations, which has been a significant stress reliever. This predictability has helped avoid conflicts and has made their relationship stronger and more resilient.

Becoming Action-Oriented in Relationships:

Kim and Rog discuss how couples can become more action-oriented, stressing the importance of doing small things often. They reference John Gottman’s studies, which show that regular small acts of kindness, like a thoughtful text or making coffee, build a strong, lasting foundation in relationships. These consistent actions show ongoing commitment and care, creating stability and trust over time.

Kim addresses the common misconception that being action-oriented means doing big, dramatic things. She clarifies that while grand gestures can be nice, they don’t have the same lasting impact as the small, consistent actions that build trust and intimacy daily. She advises against relying on grand gestures to make up for a lack of daily connection, stressing that consistency in small things is what truly strengthens a relationship.

Key Scenarios Where Actions Speak Louder Than Words:

1. Maintaining Emotional Connection and Trust:

Kim and Rog emphasize the importance of daily acts of love to maintain emotional connection and trust in a relationship. This includes doing chores without being asked, planning regular dates, and showing physical affection. These actions demonstrate that a partner is invested in keeping the relationship strong and that they prioritize their partner’s well-being. Rog discusses how these small actions prompt the release of love and bonding chemicals, reinforcing the connection between partners.

2. Stepping Up During Times of Crisis or Stress:

During challenging times, Rog explains, words alone are not enough; actions are crucial. Whether it’s taking on extra responsibilities at home or providing tangible help during a family emergency, these actions show that you’re in it together. Kim shares insights of couples who felt let down when their partner didn’t step up during tough times, highlighting the importance of being reliable and action-oriented when it matters most.

3. Rebuilding Trust After a Breach:

Rog discusses the difficult scenario of rebuilding trust after it has been broken, whether due to infidelity, lying, or a breach of agreed boundaries. He emphasizes that in these situations, actions are far more critical than words. Consistent, transparent actions are necessary to rebuild trust and heal the relationship. Kim adds that grand gestures are particularly ineffective during these times; what’s needed is a consistent effort to show that trust can be rebuilt through reliable, everyday actions.