5 Simple Relationship Skills from Our 5 Most Popular Episodes

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In this episode, Kim and Rog take a break from recording live due to a bout of flu and instead share a highlight reel from their five most popular episodes of the past year. Each segment focuses on one practical, research-backed skill that couples can put into action straight away.

1. Plan Together with Visualization (Episode 89)

The first skill is about planning as a couple. Kim and Rog emphasize that many partners stumble when they fail to plan their future together, often ending up stressed or heading in different directions.

Their practical tool: a visualization exercise. Each partner takes a turn closing their eyes and describing their perfect day one year from now—from waking up, to work, family, health, and even holidays. This detailed imagining helps couples uncover what truly matters to them and grounds their goals in shared meaning. It’s not about ticking off tasks; it’s about shaping a life you both want to live.

2. Show You’ve Got Their Back (Episode 93)

Next, Kim and Rog highlight the importance of feeling like your partner is truly on your side. They explain that trust can be built—or broken—in small moments.

Their advice: take your partner’s side, even when you don’t fully agree. In public settings, this means backing them up instead of correcting or undermining them. In private, it looks like acknowledging their feelings before raising your own perspective. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder sends a powerful message of solidarity and safety, strengthening the sense of being a team. 

3. Practice Radical Generosity (Episode 86)

Scorekeeping—I did this, so you should do that—is a common trap for couples. The antidote, according to relationship experts Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, is “radical generosity.”

Rather than aiming for fairness, couples are encouraged to go above and beyond for each other without expectation of return. Kim and Rog explain that generosity builds intimacy, nurtures trust, and creates a unique bond where both partners feel deeply cared for. Over time, generosity becomes part of the relationship identity: we are the kind of team that looks out for each other.

4. Tackle Resentment Early (Episode 76)

Resentment is described as one of the “quiet killers” in long-term relationships. Kim and Rog share insights from John Gottman’s research showing that how a hard conversation starts usually predicts how it will end.

The skill here is using a gentle startup and I-statements. Instead of launching with blame, express your feelings and take responsibility: I felt worried when this happened… can we talk about it together? They also stress the importance of empathy—actively considering your partner’s perspective and making space for their feelings. Getting through the discomfort of the first five minutes can shift the whole conversation and prevent resentment from taking root.

5. Replace Negative Habits with Healthier Ones (Episode 90)

The final skill focuses on the small habits that either strengthen or erode connection. Habits, Kim and Rog remind listeners, can be changed with a simple three-step process:

1. Identify the bad habit and its trigger.

2. Swap it with a healthier response.

3. Reinforce the new habit with positive feedback.

They share personal examples from their own couples counseling, illustrating how understanding the “why” behind a habit can increase empathy and teamwork in breaking it. The emphasis is on replacing—not just eliminating—habits, and doing so as a team rather than leaving the responsibility to one partner.