3 Simple Steps to Start the Conversation with Your Partner

Apple | Spotify

In the podcast episode, the primary focus is on the challenges couples face when trying to initiate meaningful dialogues with one another. Many individuals find themselves at different stages of their personal and relationship growth, which can often lead to uncertainty and fear when broaching sensitive or deep topics with their partners.

The hosts, Rog and Kim, emphasize the significance of viewing a relationship as a partnership, where both members operate as a cohesive team. Their mutual objective should be to enhance their bond and pursue the best life possible together. A challenge couples often face is the reluctance of some partners to even broach the topic of relationships, let alone delve into profound life decisions.

Drawing from their own relationship experiences, Rog and Kim candidly share that they used to broach issues only when they became major problems rather than addressing them proactively. However, they advocate that conversations between partners shouldn’t solely revolve around problems; they should also encompass dreams, aspirations, and other pivotal aspects of life.

The hosts touch upon the “baggage” that individuals bring to conversations, originating not just from past relationships but from their ongoing ones as well. This baggage can act as a hindrance to productive dialogue. The ultimate aim is for couples to evolve from passive participants to engaged communicators, cultivating a relationship hallmarked by transparency, openness, and collaborative effort. They emphasize that neglecting small issues can lead to bigger problems being overlooked. They conclude by stressing the significance of proactive, intentional conversations in fostering a purposeful and connected life.

Kim then steers the discussion towards the universal challenges faced when trying to communicate. She sheds light on the pervasive fear of conflict, highlighting how various underlying factors can cause it. Rog candidly shares his personal apprehension towards confrontations, stemming from his tendency to avoid issues until they inevitably escalate. Kim adds that the fear of conflict isn’t gender-specific, underscoring that humans naturally avoid situations that disrupt their comfort. Yet, confronting this discomfort is crucial for effective communication.

As the dialogue pivots to personal growth, Rog emphasizes the need to embrace discomfort in conversations with significant others. He candidly reveals his past hesitations to discuss certain topics, often driven by shame or a fear of change. Kim reflects on her previous rigidity in discussions, which might have made conversations daunting for Rog.

The duo also delve into power dynamics in relationships. Rog brings up past financial discussions, noting how expertise on a topic could unintentionally lead to dominating the conversation. They advocate against making unilateral personal or financial decisions, as this can exacerbate rifts in relationships. Instead, the emphasis is on mutual growth and journeying together.

1. Starting Small and Positive

Kim emphasizes the importance of starting with small topics to discuss. Picking a topic that doesn’t have the potential for heated conflict is crucial. This allows both partners to build conversational skills gradually.

It’s important not to begin the conversation aggressively or in a confrontational manner. Instead, focus on positive subjects.

Kim acknowledges the challenge for women, often feeling they pandering to their partner. However, if one partner is ahead in wanting to grow the relationship, they must support the other to meet them where they are.

2. Create the Space

Rog and Kim agree on the significance of setting the right time and space for conversations.

Consistency is key. Couples should aim to find a regular time, free of interruptions, where they can have meaningful dialogue.

The location of the conversation is also pivotal. Avoiding common areas where discussions typically occur can prevent falling into old patterns of communication. An outdoor setting or taking a walk can help refresh the dynamics.

3. Review and Reschedule

Post-conversation, it’s essential to review how the talk went.

Reflecting on the conversation helps in acknowledging and appreciating the effort both partners made. This metacognition (thinking about thinking) makes both partners more intentional about improving their communication.

Celebrate small successes and milestones in communication. This positive reinforcement increases the chances of more constructive conversations in the future.